Why perfect isnt always a great idea

I think our journeys teach us a lot. . .Lots that we choose to learn and lots that we wish not to. Whats amazing is that all of it happens in real time when we don't even realise that it indeed is. Slowly and steadily each of them mould us into people that we become. Our friends, relatives, work environment, struggles, successes, failures. . .all of them play a vital role into what we get moulded as. Of course some of it is gifted by nature and some that we work to develop in order that we can finds means to an end, while environment structures some of us.

We fight all our lives without embracing the present. . .some of the fortunate few who know how to live and absorb life are blessed. When i think of life, i think of that infant in the womb who must find its way to this world. I cant claim that i understand how tough or beautiful this experience is for a mother. . .but i feel the infant must definitely go through a tough battle from its inception, to discovering freedom to growing up. There's so many things at so many levels that need to work to get it all right. God is beyond a perfectionist or a magician, am amazed every time i think how it all falls perfectly into place.

Then there are fears. Fears that ensure that we work hard, struggle whether it school, college, professional degrees, first jobs, entrepreneurship, then meet parents expectations, social acceptance and finally our own expectations that are derived by all of these put together. Where is a true will and desire to be what we want to be. . .lost so many times every single day that we lose count. How many of us are truly in touch with our own selves, forget God, the ones the love and our desires. We simply function like robots without emotions and all our decisions are aimed at consistently improving this robot's performance and efficiency. Why? Simply because the better the robot performs, you get to maintain the standard of living that you choose to, and social acceptance is better, families and friends are happy and so we can an aura of security, well being and happiness around us. The circle keeps going on and on till we live

In our pursuit to better this, we realise being great at what you do is the most important asset we can possess. . .which is why we discover what we're good at and constantly keep building it to make it perfect. Any distraction from this pursuit is almost always kept at bay. We become specialists, our perfection gets valued as a prized asset and then we simply keep getting sucked into it more and more. One thing that stays consistent is our pursuit for perfection and our urge to never give it up for anything. 

Perfection is the most widely accepted currency in today's world. Grades, homes, schools and colleges, careers, bodies, food, cars, gadgets,it never ends. . .if you're perfect, you're in business. There isn't enough place for everyone else.

We compromise so many other things in life, for large parts of our life, simply so that we don't miss sight of our goals and stay relevant. But is this aura truly real or is it simply a false notion that leads to nothing. I think there are many answers to this that are floating around, your answer is truly what you think works for you. I've realised there's a human tendency thats common across races, everywhere in the world, we just like the games that we're good at. Because we like to win, we like to win all the time and no one likes to lose.

Slowly but steadily we lose touch with our own selves and become what this pursuit needs us to be. . .very few of us will be able to answer the question when asked who we really are. Our introductions start with what we do, then how we do it and others interest in everything else is largely dependent on how good are the answers to these. So if perfection is what leads us to this, why do we want to be perfect. I truly envy a lot of people who find happiness living a simple, ambition free life, content with what they have, valuing their peace, connection with themselves, relationships, happiness, smiles and laughters.

This is more a question than a conversation, what we are today. . .is not who we are. . .who we are is submerged deep within us, bringing it out can happen only when we make a larger connection with oneself. Everyone's running in one direction. . .some faster than the other. . .some crushing others and running, some following and some leading. . .its a race and everyone wants to win. . .no one even wants to think of losing. . .and then some who actually lose. . .they laugh as they sit and watch others run. . .realising they're winners and others were foolish. Not about needs,wants and urges. . .its about existence and purpose.

Maybe all of us know the answers. But no one truly wants to acknowledge perfection as a question. Perhaps the day we are willing to see perfection as a question, answers will automatically flow out of our hearts and mind. Till that day, minds will rule heart and soul and perfection will continue to be the perfect solution to a great life.

Life in a Metro

Life in a metropolitan city like Mumbai, Delhi, New York, London or Hong Kong, means a mad rush to survive and perform. Something that invariably makes most of us cold, ruthless, unemotional, selfish and aggressive. How does it happen. . .every aspect of life in a metro works to condition you that way. If you must travel, no matter who you are- there's a struggle. . .if you're driven,or you're driving, or commuting by trains or buses or even walking- its all an art you've got to master. Eventually, in a bid to condition ourselves to be able to live thru this mindless race and survive, we all change. Change, either to be people who become a part of this eco-system or change to find a place for ourselves much distinct from this maze.

Take some time off and look at your city in isolation, like an outsider. How much of it ever makes sense. We're all running, how many people out there have real objectives to live. There are people who spend decades doing monotonous and mindless things, not caring about satisfaction or quality. For them, not having an ambition is their ambition. Then there are others who keep running to survive and sustain, they dont know where growth or excellence will come from. They find ways to find highs in what they do, even if it means having to fool themselves to feel good- as long as it works for them. The complusions of EMI's for the home loans, car loans and other responsibilities makes that salary cheque at the end of the month a must.


There are many of them working for multi-national companies, this is a breed that i've been a part of, having interacted very closely with this proto-type. I remember this curious gentleman working for The Times of India Group for its popular brand- Bombay Times(BT). BT of course, needs no introduction to anyone who has anyone to do with India. He used to be the group head for BT in  one of Mumbai's suburban branches. Almost every time that he would meet an advertiser, there was an ad campaign that was ready to be offered to him- advertisers simply couldnt do without BT. Innovation, creativity, planning or strategy were non existent in him- of course he thought otherwise and would do everything possible to convince everyone in office, friends and family that he was doing something no one else could. When he'd get back to office after getting an ad campaign deal, you couldnt miss the never ending smile and pride on his face and his pompous walk. Of course he'd have a long story to tell on how it would've never happened without him. For him, he'd started thinking that he was BT himself. If you would've met him for the first time, his indentity was incomplete unless he'd told you what brand he worked for. Even if he didnt speak too much, he'd definately ensure you know he was one of the people helping Jains run the Times Group. There are so many of them who dont know who they are and what can do, but derive their identity from the companies or brands that they work for. You take that brand out of them and they'd have to struggle to find their identity.

Then there are the sensible and real intelligent lot. These guys made it to the top brass, either as owners of their own enterprise or as top management executives in the corporations they work for. Most married to sensible, good-looking, sophisticated and accomplished partners. Most of these men or women fall prey to infidelity, in some form or the other sooner or later. For some, its a way of life so it doesnt cause any guilt. Where does this start, when they stop relating to their partners or their partners dont have time for them. I met one such woman-beautiful, super rich and owner of a prosperous business. She's mother to 2 beautiful kids and loves her husband, who's also her business partner. They own a premier travel company and reside in one of the plush duplexes in South Mumbai. Each of them travel atleast 10 days every month. This woman is perfectly fine with the idea of adultery, for her its just sex that her husband doesnt have time for. So she does have a lot of these toy boys, some who travel with her on some of her trips while some are in the city. Am sure the husband must have his own form of entertainment. Where is good 'ol love, the way it was meant to be. I know many who have such comfortable relationships with office colleagues or friends, for some it means getting the excitement and adventure that they dont get anymore in their relationships elsewhere, because they never had time. For some, its just simple, plain, unadultered, guilt-free fun.

Effectively, there a specific way that your relation is certainly bound to end up in a metro;
(1) You always do what it takes for family and ensure you make time for them every week. An investment that avoids any trouble in your paradise. No form of adultery for you or your partner, you bring up kids in the best way possible. The ideal happy family.

(2) Two people who dont communicate consistently stop relating to each other at some point. They get divorced sooner or later. If they still choose to stay in that relation, its either supremely compromised or for the sake of kids.

(3) You married the perfect partner and the love was great. In time, you try your best, but dont find time thanks to career commitments. One day you realise you're into a situation you never imagined. Adultery, for you or your partner. Why, you never had time and helped created a gap and couldnt fill it in for too long. Some one else did.

(4) Two people who love each other, have great kids and no time for each other. If they do have time for each other, they dont communicate and invest time to build a foundation. Result, they're happy to have partners outside their marriage while they continue to stay in their relationship. Sounds absurd, but this is a format thats gaining popularity.

Kids find their own ways to grow up. Parents didnt have the slightest idea bringing them up would end up being so challenging. Your kid turns out fine, then you've definately worked towards it and you're lucky. Else, you're stuck with another long list of problems.

In a city like Mumbai, not every one can marry and even fewer people can have kids. There are a whole bunch of parameters you've got to achieve before you get anywhere near it. Its getting tougher as i write this.

You know it when you're in a metro when you find many 20 something blood pressure patients, fruits and veggies with little nutrition thanks to those chemical fertilisers, almost everyone you know's on a diet- very few of them actually losing weight, no place to park and hours to drive, you find diet khakras, diet tiffins and diet coke and organic food, almost all youth smoke, television entertainment moving towards voyeurism is more popular.

Then there are so many fitness classes, yoga instructors, community groups prayer meetings, baba ramdevs and so many other babas- all with their distinct USPs and followers, full blown channels to propagate spiritualism.

What are we headed into. where are the simple joys of living. Where is pure, unadultered love and real relationships. Will it get worse. For now, i dont have any answers but i do hope and wish it all changes for the better and life goes back to its original, simple and splendid form.

Thank you. . .!

This was my attempt at breaking out of monotony to explore something new. So many brand documents and marketing plans later, here i was writing this. I thoroughly enjoy doing this and really appreciate all friends who found the time and effort to read this. It means a lot to me.

Thank you all.

Debu - you cant be less than perfect with anything you do, your most detailed analysis and an elaborate and inspiring comment means a lot (it reads like your own blog on my page, just kidding)

My two beautiful bihari girl friends - Anuja and Aditi - always encouraging and brutally honest.

Huria sisters - together you two run planet earth and united nations, still managed enough time and effort to read this, how :) am sure no one knows.

If we manage more time in this life time, i'll definately get your feedback.

Sugatha - your valuable comments mean a lot, inspite of your anniversary issue closing

Jui, Bhakti - Thanks for being nice to me as always.

Jui, your comment on how you feel at end of everyday after meeting your husband makes me feel getting married isnt that bad an idea, though i really envy your husband.

Berzin & Suresh - Thanks bro. when well read men like you make a positive comment, it means a lot.

And many other friends who found the time and effort, thank you.

Come back soon, am really gonna learn to write now :)

As you like it

"I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her". . .Anna Scott said this to William Thacker in Notting Hill. . .perhaps one of the most perfect cinematic moments that defines true romance to me, maybe i am biased towards Julia Roberts. I truly believe that this moment was just 'perfect', something i will always envy.

No matter who we are, or what we achieve, we all need someone. We're all ambitious, some who aspire for 20,000 while others who aspire for 20 million and some for 20 billion. Some of us choose to drive thru this journey with a companion, some feel ambition takes you only so far and then you need boosters (some one real who makes you feel life's so much worth everything we ever had to go thru). Some choose to stay off relationships, some stay in relationships for years and never get 'really' involved. Priveleged few, who choose to find multiple partners and lot of love :)

We all do find some one.

The last time i confessed my love to some one, i did something i'd never imagined i'd do. I told her that she was the most genuine person i'd ever met (she is by far the most genuine person i know) and believed that she was truly someone i felt could respond to every emotion of mine with as much love and passion if not more. It was beautiful and the sense of fulfilment was immense.

At 30, i have around 10 close friends. Most who're married, couple who're single. Of the ones married, half of them are already separated, while the other half have had the most amazing relationships. This, irespective of their demanding careers and other pressures of life. It made me feel that if i ever had to marry someone, i had to be head-over-heels in love with her, believe that she'd do all it takes to make it work. With the pressures that exist in a busy metro like Mumbai, managing a relationship or bringing up a kid is most definately a full time job, and something that you cant afford to faulter upon. It takes 2 sensible people to give it their 100% and work to achieve the 'perfect relationship'. The ones who fell short of that 200% classified in the former lot, while others worked to achieve something priceless. I am of course, working to be a part of the latter.

Just the other day doing at a long lunch, i was with 2 senior women in their late forties. One who's never been married, she was too masculine for a man i guess. The other who was divorced, both had served top management positions with some of the best media companies in India. We were talking about relationships. They admitted it was rather easy for them to be in relationships in the 1970's and that the ballgame had completely changed now. High pressures making tolerance levels low, less time spent leading to compatibility issues, infidelity. I couldnt agree more.

In 2009, we have an i-pod with 180 gd memory, a ps3 with blue ray-now at us$ 299 only, a one-lac car. . .but where are the simple joys of life. Why is it so complicated to find the simplest things, where are they lost. Blessed are the few, who discover true love and companionship.

Why is simple so complicated now.

I feel, we all eventually find what we work at. Success, peace, happiness, good health, financial security. Of course, love will always be something that'll require 200% effort, one alone can achieve just the half. Perhaps achieving perfect in both halves is more fulfiling than owning a lamborghini gallardo. Maybe because you can buy the latter, but never the former.

They say, where there's a will there's a way.

Find it and find yourself life, as you like it.

Mumbai International Airport

A much awaited saturday evening and i was ready to drive to the Mumbai International Airport to receive my adorable girlfriend. That of course was the prime objective, little did i know that this evening was going to be quitedramatic and had lots of entertainment in store for me. A 45-min ride just to be able to get thru a 200-meter stretch, not to miss the music and grand carnival of ganesha visarjan. If that wasnt enough, rain gods were being particularly kind to an almost drought hit city on the verge of facing a water-cut. A 75-min drive later i was finally arrived within the confines of the brand new multi-level parking complex at the airport. I had around 2 hours before she would make it to the arrival lounge.

So here i was, waiting like many others and trying my best to kill time. Ever since i was a young kid i could never comprehend how the crowd at the mumbai international airport was worse than that at Borivali Railway Station. As i keep wondering, i cant help but observe other visitors waiting to receive their friends, relatives or guests and persons arriving at the arrival lounge. I find myself next to 2 lower middle class men in their late twenties making small talk on some on local politicians. Right then, there's a group of blonde american hostesses who walk past the lounge. Now, here's what the 2 men had to say;

Man 1: Wow, these are the real deal. That's what air hostesses have gotta be like

Man 2: I agree. Look at our aunts in Air India, we dont seem to get enough of their motherly love and care

Man 1: We can never improve. Have you heard that Air India doesnt even have enough dough to pay off salaries

They're talking of the loss-making indian national carrier, their employees dont care a damn about whether you live or die. Monopoly made them surivive so many years and a US$ 1 billion will see them thru for the next few years. With so many grand mothers and fathers as their cabin crew, the indian government has little choice but to be kind to the carrier.

I head to a swanky new food stall to buy a bottle of mineral water at 3 times its MRP.

As I look around and see multiple other standard variety of guests and visitors you can expect at the mumbai international airport;

(1) The classic American-born confused desi who's been received by his desi counter-parts who're struggling to interpret like accent

(2) The Indian-born confused desi with a stronger accent than most americans

(3) A big group of dehati men and women who're waiting to receive a relative who's possibly traveled abroad for the first time ever

(4) A classic business traveler looking for a driver with his name on the placard

(5) The typical metro family that arrives with loads and loads of luggage (cheap shopping and electronics)

Then of course there are many unusual sorts.

I spotted this couple, husband taking a dig at wife's sister arriving from london. He just cant understand what's taking her this long to get out when the plane's landed 20-mins back. Little does he know the struggle to get thru to the immigration, declarations required for a swine flu mumbai (we're possibly the one city/country that relies on visitors declaring whether they're infected or not apart from men/women dressed in aprons who stamp these declarations blindly. They're of course pretending to be doctors. Other countries however rely on machines that spot body temperature and capture travelers with any symptoms), struggle involved in collecting the luggage at the conveyer belt, baggage screening and finally a big welcome by crook taxi drivers, hotel agents and unusually humid temperature.

Then there are scared foreigners wearing masks, and carefree foreigners who were acclimatised to india. You cant help but notice the joy that indians experience when they receive their friends and relatives. Love, attachment, respect and emotions- intrinsic to relationships and culture in india. Something thats so very unique to this country. Gradually some of it, in some of us is getting eroded by the globalisation and competitive attitude where there's no room for life, love and emotions. To me, India still will be one of the warmest places to be.

Finally arrives a pretty girl looking for someone she cant spot. . .she spots me and smiles while she's a bit shy. Its amazing how we meet after 4-days and still get so overwhelmed, i guess the feeling of belonging-especially to someone you love and adore will always be special and unique. We drive home while my overwhelmed and adorable girl takes me thru pictures of her Italy trip. Some gifts and a 10-min drive later, i am home and call it a day.